How to Make a Friend Into a GirlfriendBy Adam Sinicki
Note: This article is aimed heavily at men... If you're a girl trying to turn a friend into a girlfriend (cool...), well things might just be a little more difficult. Glad we cleared that up.
So wanting to turn a friend into a girlfriend is a problem that many people face. The reason for this being most likely that right here you have someone that you know you get on well with, who you know well, and who you are constantly being exposed to. If they look somewhat attractive too then it only makes sense that at some point your feelings might turn romantic. In fact developing a crush on a friend has probably happened to every one at some point or another and it's something we can all sympathise with.
The problem though is that dating a friend is fraught with difficult, and getting her to see you as more than a friend is also a very tricky problem. How do you get out of that 'friend zone' and get her to see you differently? And how do you make a move without risking what you already have? Sometimes these relationships can be a bit like having a beautiful butterfly sitting in your hand – do you try to hold onto them more tightly and risk crushing them or scaring them away? (Man that was a pretty soppy sentiment...).
Being More Than Friends
Already we've mentioned how it can be a good thing to date a friend – you already have the foundations of a relationship there. So build on this and become the best friend you can be – that means pulling out the stops and being such a good friend that it's creepy. Do lots of fun things together and try to get some regular meet ups in – building up a routine and doing something nice repeatedly together that becomes 'your thing' is a great way to start to build a closeness and familiarity that's hard to let go. For instance make every Tuesday 'film night' or make sure you always watch episodes of a TV programme together, or always head to the same put (trust me).
In other ways start to act like a best friend – this is the first step to being more than friends. So call often and randomly in the evening, and make sure that you have lots of fun together. Ever heard people say how convenient it would be to date their best friend? Elevate yourself to best friend status and then you'll create a temptingly convenient situation for them.
You should also make sure to try demonstrate how sweet and caring you are and how much you know about them. For instance if you see something they might like on TV – then text or call to warn them it's on. Little touches like that can make you highly popular. You can also start doing more 'datey' things. Start by inviting her to something you know she'd like – like a concert you know she'd like to see or a film. And then slowly make this more regular until you feel like you can invite her out for a meal alone. You're technically friends but at this point you might as well be going out – you are in everything but name.
Asking A Friend Out
Now from here you should start to be able to pick up on whether they're interested in you or not and whether your advances are going down well or not. If they call as often, and if they express how much they enjoy film night or want to snuggle up then it's working and you can then ask them out (though asking a friend out on a date is highly embarrassing) or just make some other kind of move such as slipping an arm around a little more, or such as going out on a night out together or playing some drinking games and then making your move when you've both lost some inhibitions.
The easiest move to become more than friends is to watch with your arm around them as you snuggle (to make this more 'normal' you can slowly increase how comfortable you are with touching in your relationship – start with playful punching or snuggling near each other and gradually touch more until this isn't unusual). As you watch try gently stroking their arm and if this is warmly received you can step it up until the only recourse is to kiss.
Getting Out of the Friend Zone
However if this isn't working then you're probably still in the friend zone. If you're still in the friend zone it's because they haven't thought of you yet as confident and sexually assertive enough to be considered a partner. So how do you go about getting out of the friend zone?
Well while performing the points above you need to make sure they think of you as someone who is sexually available and confident. Don't seem like their 'weedy best mate' who is always there with sound advice and tissues, but rather make sure that you show a more masculine and predatory side. That means you can still be the same guy – but as mentioned try to increase the amount you touch them when you talk. Likewise a bit of playful teasing never goes amiss (to show them that you aren't just in awe of them – as this makes you seem like you think you're below them on the food chain and thus makes you less attractive) and it's also okay to flirt a little and make comments about how hot their legs look. Be a bit confident and let them know – in a playful way – that you find them attractive. If you're in the friend zone now then you need to gradually get out of it by upping the tempo on the flirting and dominance. Think 'alpha male with a hot female best friend', not 'I'll do anything for you, just let me be near you... please love me'. The latter is just not cool.
Treat Them Mean
If playing the best friend card isn't working then you need to alter your strategy. Phase two then is to try and be more aloof and treat them mean. Make sure that they're used to having you around a lot, and make sure that they have begun to really love your weekly or daily event whatever it might be. Get them used to getting lots of messages from you.
Then if you still don't feel like your attempts to make a move would be effective, you should withdraw what they had. Still be friends but start to be busy on some of the nights you'd normally meet up and maybe talk about other women a bit. What you should find is that they a) want what they can't have, and b) miss having you around and having you so close. All's fair in love and war, and eventually she should start showing you the attention which is when you can make your move.
Just Go For It
The real point though is that once you have reached that point where you're more than friends and you think she might be receptive, you need to go for it. If you don't then you will always wonder what would have been and you'll never know. In the long run there's a good chance that you won't be as close friends in five years anyway – so you might as well find out now so you know and can go about moving on.
At the same time you should also bear in mind that it won't necessarily ruin your relationship anyway. More likely you'll find that she is flattered and if you have that teasing/flirting vibe anyway you can just brush it aside 'fair enough then' or 'a guy's got to try hasn't he?'. If you can't quite pull off the confident swagger though then you can still just make a joke of it – or at least give her some room to cool off and then be persistent in making things normal again.