The Fight to get Fit

By Simon Sparrowhawk

Everyone has that moment when they think, 'You know what, I�m going to start going to the gym!' then within a matter of seconds (thanks to our technological friends) everyone you know knows that you are going to get fit (or as some strange people seem to be saying 'Bufting' whatever that means).

Now I myself had this moment a while back and it encouraged me to get some free weights and bars and all that kind of stuff, as if that would encourage me to start. I begged (well I didn�t really but it sounds better that way) a certain Adam Sinicki to make me a training programme tailored to my needs - a bit of muscle build but more of a toning idea, he claimed to know what I meant.

Tip: Never get a guy so obsessed with working out to do this for you, you end up with the most insane programme ever conceived by man - or whatever you count Sinicki as.

After a couple of weeks without any progress being made on my programme I paid a visit to my trainer (Ahem!) and demanded he make the programme for me there and then. Naturally due to my height and reach advantage he did not refuse and half an hour later I had a strange piece of card in my hand.

Normally when you get something that would be considered relatively serious you would expect an element of formality to it. Not when Adam Sinicki is involved however: 1) you are greeted by an incorrect spelling of 'Training' - apparently its called 'Traing' in the industry; 2) there is a random sheep that you never wanted there; 3) the most accurate drawing of yourself in the world ever and I mean ever; 4) the worst drawing of the producer himself ever; and 5) strange messages about the good bits of your body which make you question his sexuality a little... [Si has fairly impressive biceps and good, big hands... what's wrong with that? -Ed]

However, despite all the nit-picking that I had undertaken (and natural destruction of his flat - as I am prone to do when I get a little bored or just fancy it really) I departed with the promise I would start my new era the following night.

320 press-ups, some ridiculous bicep curl and raise idea, these strange fly things that he always chats about, loads of sit-ups, and feeling a sense of wanting to throw up on your own bed later you decide that perhaps this is just too hard for me. But, after a bit of light counselling, you decide to get back on the horse.

Only problem is that your muscles ache for three days after and you miss two sessions, then you realise you have football and don�t want to be aching for that, so you skip another session and by this point a week has gone past. Soon enough you are distracted by housemates offering games of Pro Evo on the PS3 or 360 or just a light film perhaps. Anyway before you know it three months have gone past and your programme should be coming to a close and you should be 'buff' by now, instead you are back at square one and your trainer (Ahem! Again) permanently has a disappointed look etched on his face.

Well you do all this if you are me anyway - although all will be pleased to know I am starting afresh on Monday morning. Oh dear, I fear the whole cycle is about to repeat itself...